It was Christmas and there was an incredible blizzard outside. It was me, Jacinda, my family and a few friends and family I could not recognize. We were eating, laughing, sharing, etc.; everything that is Christmas. We were at my parents (though the house did not resemble their real-life house) and it was located in middle of a Catholic Monastery-like area. Nuns bustled outside, completing chores in the incredible blizzard. There was also a surreal light emitting from behind the clouds.

    We are all having fun when almost instantly, any sound was muffled. Talking, music, playing of children all stopped, leaving only the howling of the blizzard outside to be heard. Dad says, "Just wait" with relative clarity over the surrounding muffled commotion in the background. I looked out the window and I could see the silhouette of a majestic beast in the air, behind a cloud. In a blink of an eye, the blizzard stopped and the whole sky lit up with a blue glow in front of us, with activity that felt similar to that of reading about end times. The majestic beast then revealed itself to be a lion with eagle's wings, along with two others in front of it that looked identical to the large lion, except smaller in size. The beast was located in the upper left of the defined blue glow. In unison, these lions roared along with other sounds I could not distinguish. The house my family and I were in, as well as any manmade object in our way became immaterial, as it was of no importance anymore. My heart shook and bowed in reverence as my body walked forward.

   What am I doing?

   I find myself asking this question a lot lately. I'm not sure if it is because I have achieved all of the goals I set when I was fourteen, or if I have lost course with the direction I need to be going with my life. Maybe it's just the age I am at where the world lunges at you in a fashion different than what you you are used to. Perhaps I'm just confused.

   Lets go back to my life between the ages of fourteen and nineteen. Everything was taken care of for me. I had a bed, warm meals and entertainment in exchange for dishes duty, lawn mowing and the occasional kids diaper. The job I aquired when I was fifteen was handed to me in a fashion where I almost didn't realise what a blessing it truely was. Not until a few years later when I understood the financial pain of a house mortgage as well as a heat bill, electricity and new roof.

   I'm self sufficient. Completely and utterly self sufficient. It's in my upbringing. I've got a job, car, house and wife (of which were my goals set when I was fourteen). It leaves me with a question that I've been struggling with for the last year and a half. "What's next?" I ask. Children of course will be a trip, Lower car insurance will ocme at twenty five... I don't want to retire ever in my life for fear of losing my mind.

   Perhaps the goals I'm trying to fabricate are ones that are too general and huge that I need to start smaller. It may be a mix between trying to find goals and procrastinating with the ones I already have. I for sure know I need more time  talking about serious matters with friends, quality time with my wife, time by myself to recollect my thoughts and most importantly, time with God. The things I fill my life with currently are starting to set in as a huge distraction. I feel drained and craving more precious time.